Nothing is perfect. 

Not you, not me, and definitely nothing spawned from human invention or intervention.  The United States Postal Service is no exception.

The USPS handles 472.1 million individual pieces of mail, daily!  That’s on a normal, non-election, non-pandemic kinda day.  I’m sure with mail in ballots, things are a bit hairier than normal this particular Tuesday.

The Washington, D.C. federal judiciary is so concerned, U.S. District Judge Emmett Sullivan ordered the USPS to sweep their facilities, ensuring no ballots are held up in areas that have been slow to process them.  Those less than stellar USPS facilities have a 3pm deadline.  I want everyone willing to vote to have that vote counted, so OK. 

But if you refused to use local ballot boxes or refused to use standard polling sites, why didn’t you mail your damn ballot earlier?  The U.S. Postal Service has enough issues on a good day, let alone during one of our history’s most contentious presidential elections.  Now maybe you did.  Maybe your freaking ballot is sitting on a truck in a USPS parking lot, waiting for somebody to bring it inside the facility.

Trust me, I feel your pain.

My wife 2-day mailed a care package to our collegiate freshman daughter on October 26th.  Inside the box, neatly and securely packed, sat:

  • Some food items
  • Some fun items
  • Some practical items
  • And, oh yeah, her Colorado ballot!

According to the USPS tracking number, the package departed Denver, CO on October 27th.  To date, that package has not been processed inside any USPS facility.  The tracking number provides an ambiguous “in transit” status. 

A USPS representative spoke with my wife Tuesday morning.  The rep informed her that there’s this thing out there called COVID.  No shit.  Thanks for filling us in.  She also said there was a hurricane in New Orleans.  No shit.  Our daughter lives there.  We keep track of important stuff like that.

The gulf coast has been inundated with hurricanes this fall, but all of her other packages arrived in a timely fashion.  Hurricane Zeta blew through town, caused power outages for a day, and the USPS continued delivering mail to campus without any apparent issues… unless your package originated in Colorado.

We visited the post office where the package delivery originated.  An even-keeled, well-informed USPS employee did his research, but unfortunately came back with the same answers.  “In transit” means

  • It’s sitting outside a USPS facility, waiting to brought inside and sorted
  • It was sent to another processing site that was better able to process it (HA!)
  • It’s on a whirlwind postal tour of the U.S. mainland, ETA unknown
  • It left Denver via airplane and is likely somewhere on the planet
  • It fell into a USPS black hole and may be recovered by Christmas

Basically, if it doesn’t show up by Thursday file a claim and feel good that some USPS employee enjoyed the brownies and trashed the ballot.

Do you think the Honorable Emmett could lend a federal hand?

Unfortunately the ballot is inside a care package, unseen by the naked eye.  Who knows, maybe Judge Sullivan’s order will fire into motion one of those inept postal facilities that just might have our care package wallowing under a heap of governmental apathy and bureaucracy. 

I’ve lost a few things over the years, received Xmas cards six weeks late, and had mail returned that was sent to perfectly valid addresses.

Not to belittle the USPS, though.  For what it costs to mail a letter anywhere in this great country of ours, you probably couldn’t pay a kid that much just to lick the stamp.  Maybe the box will show up.  Maybe.

Of course, it’s all for naught when factoring in the ballot.  Her first vote cast in her first election will forever be dubbed “in transit” – neither here nor there, yet everywhere.